Graham's Journal

More Books

2006-03-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

Over at the official blog of my first sci-fi novel, The Seventh Day, I listed some sci-fi authors and books that have influenced my thought and writing.

More Pics

2006-03-19T16:53:00.000-08:00

I recently updated my Flickr page here.

You can't tell, but I'm actually smiling.

Here I am in my "hootch," my home away from home. This is where the majority of my posts were composed when I was in Iraq. I know it looks small and cramped. But don't let the camera fool you. It's actually VERY small and cramped.

Reading is Fun!

2006-03-19T14:10:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned before, I really like to read. So I decided to make a few recommendations, so that next time you're at the library, bookstore, or Amazon, you'll have a few new ideas on what to check out (or what to avoid, depending on what you think of me. Whatever)
I don't know if you've noticed, but the political views I've expressed, as well as some of the other sites I link to, tend to lean a tiny bit to the right. Therefore, in the interest of fair and balanced blogging, I'm giving my first plug to liberal author Al Franken. I respect Franken because he appears to genuinely care about the troops, instead of just using their hardship to justify his political prejudices. He's done several USO shows in Iraq, and claims to be the first comedian to perform at Abu Ghraib Prison. In fact, I saw him at the Baghdad airport as he was coming and I was leaving. After I saw him there, I knew I had to go out and buy his book. Though I don't agree with everything he says, his talent is undeniable, and his arguments are well written and funny.
I'm not really a fan of history books. When I found this book in a pile of used books at an MWR in Baghdad, I knew it would be a good oppourtunity to supplement my knowledge of The Vietnam War, which I am embarrassed to say is somewhat lacking. What I found is a quite extraordinary book. (It's funny how some of the best books I've ever read have been books I just found in a pile or on a shelf somewhere, chosen just because the cover looked interesting.) Al Santoli tells the history of Vietnam by breaking it down into stories told by the different kinds of people who actually experienced it; generals, diplomats, Cambodian refugees, American soldiers, and Vietnamese soldiers from both the South and the North. Mr Santoli doesn't claim to tell the "whole story." But I find myself much more informed now than before.
I write science fiction, so of course I'm interested in what futurists have to say about things to come. One really fascinating idea is that of the "Singularity." If you've never heard that term before, Google it. It's totally trippy. Lemme give you a very, very short definition. The Singularity is a period of computer AI aided human technological advance, unprecedented in history, world-changing, and even unimaginable; which futurists believe will happen in the near future, like, thirty years. I know what you're thinking. No one can predict the future. This could all be bullshit. But it's interesting bullshit, dammit! And the observations that Kurzweil makes about modern technological trends are spot on. Lot's of authors are writing about the Singularity, and Kurzweil is the best.

V for Vendetta

2006-03-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

I just saw the most awesome movie, a futuristic thriller called V for Vendetta.

WARNING, plot spoilers!!!

In it, the main character, V states that artists lie in order to show the truth. No one shows us the truth better than the artists of the Hollywood movie industry. And in today's political environment, no movie can be more relevant that V for Vendetta, with it's plot threads that are so similar to what's happening in America today, it will shock everyone who sees it. For example, in the movie, the British government secretly orchestrates a biological terrorist attack in order to manipulate and control the population, just like how the American government orchestrated the 9/11 attacks. In future England, there is only one news television station, the BTN, just as Fox News is the only news station allowed in America. Americans have the Internet. The future Brits have the "Interlink." In the movie, the Brits eat something called "eggy in a basket," and Americans eat eggs in a basket! The most disquieting similarity is the way Natalie Portman's innocent character, Evee is tortured by government officials for her associations with the terrorist, V. The allusions to Gitmo and Nazi concentration camps are clear. I got up and went to the bathroom at this point, so I missed exactly how V was able to rescue Evee from the government prison. And I don't understand why she seemed so upset with V for saving her. But, ah well. The movie ends happily with everyone wearing the exact same outfit, thus allowing the true spirit of Anarchy to triumph.

I give it ten stars!!!!

Shooting People

2006-02-16T12:37:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot of talk in the news lately about what happened with our Veep, the Honorable Richard Cheney. Maybe people are shocked, or maybe surprised that such a thing could happen. Face the facts of life, stuff like this happens. It even happens with the highly trained men and women of the Armed Forces. I had the extreme displeasure of being close by when an accidental discharge claimed the life of a young soldier.

Can you imagine doing something so stupid, that immediately after you do it, you know that your life is ruined?

I was in the internet room when it happened. I was getting some precious time connected to the World Wide Web, time in which I can forget that I'm on the other side of the globe from my friends and family. So when I heard a sharp crack, followed by some guys across the hall yelling, "go get a medic!" my first thought was to ignore it. It sounded like someone broke a chair, or some othe piece of furniture. These guys were prolly horsing around, and somebody broke their arm, or their nose, or something.

The desperate tone in the voices out in the hall forced me to give this a second thought. One of the guys in the internet room asked if any of us were medics. Then another guy said that that sounded like a gunshot.

On second thought, it did sound like a gunshot. I left my iBook and my personal weapon behind and walked into the hallway to find shocked soldiers running past me in both directions. Then I heard something that couldn't be true. I overheard somebody say that the lieutenant shot him.

A lieutenant ran past me. I heard him say, "I shot a soldier in the head." He appeared to be laughing. Well then it must be a joke, I thought.

But it wasn't a joke. I asked a PFC who was walking out of the room where it had apparently happened. He said that the lieutenant accidently shot somebody. I assume he appeared to me to be laughing because he had become hysterical at that point. The lieutenant had run back into the hallway at this time and yelled, "I swear I cleared my weapon!" Then he fell on his knees and started screaming, Oh God, I'm so sorry!

The lieutenant got up and started running back and forth. I saw that he had blood on his hands. Two sergeants managed to grab him and goad him to a relatively empty part of the hall, next to the computer room. I managed to get in and grab my laptop and weapon before they sealed off the computer room. They black out all personal communications whenever someone dies.

When I got out, I saw that the lieutenant was on the ground. A captain was talking to him. Two majors were already in the hall on their cell phones, looking cool, as if they'd seen this type of thing a dozen times before. The captain was telling the LT that he needed to calm down and tell him what happened. He needed to know whether it was an accidental discharge, or if there was an armed Iraqi loose in the building. The lieutenant was crying, I shot a soldier. Oh God, I killed a soldier.

I swear, I have never seen such desperation. The LT's wailing was a memory that will haunt me all my days.

The two sergeants were attempting, unsuccessfully, to calm the LT down. When I passed by, I asked if they needed any help. Yeah, one of the sergeants said, we need some moist wipes.

I had trouble sleeping that night. I kept telling myself, this can't be happening. I know that a good percentage of wartime casualties are caused by accidents. But to die because somebody was too stupid to know that you never treat a rifle like it's a fucking toy?

I was reminded of a memory from Basic Training. I was at the firing range. Those of you who've been through Basic know that at the firing range, Drill Sergeant doesn't mess around. You have to be on you best behavior and do everything you're told perfectly. It was like, my fifth trip to the firing range. So I knew what to do. After you've expended your ammo, and the guy in the tower says, "cease fire," you put your weapon on safe, clear it, and place the plastic bolt block into the chamber. But I don't know why I did this. After firing, I cleared the weapon, put in the bolt block, and then put the weapon on safe. One of the Drills noticed that I did it in the wrong order and started running toward me. It was one of the meanest Drill Sergeants at Fort Sill. A man so ugly, we called him "Skeletor" behind his back. He grabbed my helmet and jerked my head back. He yelled, "What the fuck are you doing, Private? You want to kill one of your battle buddies with an accidental discharge?" He pointed at the guy in the next lane. "Can you live with his death on your conscience?" I yelled the only thing I could say, "No, Drill Sergeant!" He added one last thing before spinning on his boot heel and walking away in disgust. "You will never stop seeing his face!"

The Army lost two soldiers that day. I truthfully think that I would rather trade places with the soldier in the grave than with the lieutenant who's most likely in a cell right now. Not only is his military career over, he will prolly go to prison, for a while. I can't imagine the Army taking it easy on him for this. When he gets out, he'll have a record. No one will remember his four months of good service in a war zone. They'll just remember his four seconds of absolute idiocy. I heard that even McDonald's won't hire a guy with a military felony. But worst of all, I think that Drill Sergeant is right. He will never stop seeing his face.

Everybody has moments when they're retarded. Everybody has a time when they look back at something they did and say, what the Hell was I thinking? Why did God, in his infinite wisdom, allow this young officer's stupidity to intersect with the end of this young soldier's life, on this point of tragedy?

My whole point is, everyone should cut Cheney some slack. I'm sure he feels bad enough for what he did. I know that some people out there equate Dick Cheney with Adolf Hitler, so my plea will fall on deaf ears. But if you're one of those people, you shouldn't really be reading my blog. Instead you should click on DailyKos or some other such bullshit.

Anyway, it's the Thursday before a four day weekend. So I'm gonna go drink! (Well, drink some more, anyway :-[ ...)

PEACE!

Response to Dominik and "Anonymous"

2005-11-22T08:53:00.000-08:00

My apologies to the Milblog community for this late response. I went on two weeks R&R at the beginning of October. Went back to my hometown, Orlando, and had a great time. Was never sober enough to take writing this post seriously. Got back to Iraq after a long wait in Kuwait. (Internet access costs 5 dollars an hour on Kuwaiti bases.) Got back to Baghdad. Had a lot of work to do. Went through a post-R&R depression for a few weeks. (Guys who've been on these deployments, you know what I'm talking about.) Anywho, enough with the excuses. This post is actually a reply to two responses made in the comments section of my last post from Dominik and an anonymous poster.

Dominik wrote:

Dear Graham,

I stumbled upon your blog, since there was some news in a german paper referring to mil-blogs in general and your blong in particular.

I served my time in the german air-force in 1993-94.

Two things come to my mind when I read your blog:

Since there is no draft in the US right now, all US soldiers have decided to serve their country voluntarily. You get paid for what you do, be it out with the troops in the front line or in some army office somewhere in the US.

You referred to a bombing of one of your convoys by terrorists causing not only deaths in civilian lifes (children getting sweets from the US troops) but one of your comrades was killed as well.

From the view of an outsider, it strikes me to note, that since the war on Iraque unfolded, probably more Iraquis have died and definitely more US soldiers have died than would have, if the war had not happend.

I try to see things from your perspective (I am 32 now) and come to the following conclusion:

I think I could never get over the things you saw and will see in Iraque. I would be afraid that these things would haunt me for the rest of my life. My grandpa was haunted by the things he witnessed in WWII until his very end.

Would I do what you do for the money? I think not, and I strongly doubt you do it for the money. I assume you do it to serve your country and to defend your country.

But yet, I would always choose to serve my people in a different way than to fight in another country, given, that the country in question has NOT declared war on my country and has NOT harmed and attacked my country.

US troops will stay in Iraque for a long time. Blood will be spilled I am afraid and I feel for the loss of any life on the civilian side and the US side.

I do not feel for the terrorists, but as matter of fact and sadly enough, the war has made things easier for them.

I hope you will get out of this mess soon and be with your family. And I hope you will not loose too many comrades and hope you will be able to cope with what you have witnessed during your time in Iraque when you get home.

I know there always will be wars (that is human nature I am afraid), but I am ever so happy, I am not involved in a war like that.

Since you were not drafted, I hope you knew what price you might have to pay.

It is good, that Saddam Hussein and his regime have been removed. It might have been better, if his own people would have overthrown him. The "thread" posed by Iraque has been removed (WMD!?!) but other countries are lurking to be the thread of tomorrow.

I just simply cannot see how this war is an answer to this thread.

God bless you and your comrades.

Get home safely!

Cheers,

Dominik

First, let me say thank you for your service. Germany has been a great ally for us in the past. I wish that they had agreed to help us with this war. But, whatever.

You have mentioned the thing that troubles me most about this war. I don't think anyone could argue that having Hussein removed is not a good thing. But the fact that the insurgency has taken such a toll on our soldiers really upsets me. And that we cannot provide adequate protection to the people whose country we occupy is insanely frustrating. The Iraqi people have suffered so much under Saddam. Now they are having Jihad fought in their backyard. All of us who have served here are maybe asking ourselves if ultimately, we did the right thing, or if the "cure" ends up being worse than the "disease." I personally think that leaving Saddam in charge would have been unacceptable. Even for as long as we did leave him in charge. But for me, the question was never whether America should have invaded, but rather how well we conducted the war and following occupation.

I think that I'll be able to live with the things I've experienced here. Some of the guys who came here are going to have some mental issues to work out when they get back. But I'll be alright because I was already a little bit messed up in the head before I enlisted. 8-)

Thanks for good thoughts. God bless you and yours also.

I received this response from an anonymous poster:

I oppose the Iraq War and believe that the U.S. will soon have no choice but to leave that country. I'm thinking of writing a series of postings on a blog I have created to further explain my views. If I do, I will post the links here at a later time.

In the past I have found myself in some intense Internet verbal battles that I think wound up as exercises in talking past each other, so I think the way to go is to write those postings in a hope that I say what I really mean and manage to stay away from flights of hyperbole. But I'm only going to do it if I think there's a possibility of rational conversation as opposed to a mere exchange of epithets.

For now, I'll make the following points.

1. I think the U.S. will fail in Iraq because of a series of strategic and tactical blunders. I don't hope for this, but I think it's almost inevitable as the result of the mismanagement of the war by this country's civilian and military leadership.

2. As for Cindy Sheehan, I briefly had a somewhat positive view of her activities but I think she has made a series of very unwise statements. In particular, if she really sympathizes with the Iraq insurgents who do the things you've described then she's lost me.

I would like to think that she made those comments in the heat of the moment;or that they were lifted out of context to make it appear as if she holds views that she does not hold; or that she has been manipulated by people around her. But it's impossible for me to really know.

3. I think Sheehan's detractors are treating her, and those opposed to the war, as caricatures. I think they're following a political strategy of portraying opposition to the Iraq War a remnants of the anti-Vietnam War radical movement. I think this is wrong at a variety of levels, but unfortunately Sheehan has been manuevered (or maneuvered herself -- again, it's impossible for me to say from this distance) into a position where she's vulnerable to being cast in that light.

4. Wars do a variety of things, and one of them is to test the societies that fight them. The Iraq War is testing this country's social and political integrity and bringing to light some deep problems. One of them is a serious erosion of our ability to sustain a rational conversation between political opponents.

5. One critical test of a person's intelligence and maturity is to see whether they can integrate their experiences into a longer view of the issues at hand. Nowhere is that task harder than when the experiences are of the kind that are seen in war. The ability to cut through the fog and blood of battle and see the large picture is rare.

Graham, when you make political comments that's the challenge you face. The comments you've posted will instantly get fulsome praise from a certain contigent, but what I've seen so far is primarily emotion. I say that as someone who has been through some intense emotions on the other side.

6. I genuinely appreciate your military service and that of everyone there. No one asked your opinion before sending you to fight. There are 300 million Americans and there are bound to be crazies among us. But I have yet to personally encounter anyone who disdains our troops. I wish for success and a safe return, but at the moment I am doubting the possibility of either.

Finally, I'll check back here to see the reaction to what I've posted. In particular, I'll be looking for [i]yours[/i] as opposed to that of others, and then I'll decide how to proceed. Ball's in your court.

To "anonymous" I say, first of all, I really hope you're wrong about America ultimately failing in Iraq. We won't be forced to leave Iraq. We will only leave when we want to leave. And of course, we want to leave. But the question of "failure" depends on what state we leave Iraq and the Iraqi security forces when we do leave. If we leave too soon, the Iraqi people are screwed.

It is impossible for me also to tell what Cindy Sheehan's deal is, whether she is being manipulated by people around her, or if she is purposely allowing herself to be made into the type of anti-war icon she has become. However, this question is not really interesting to me. If one were to examine her words at face value, free of all emotional bias, then one would see that she is an enemy propagandist spreading absolutely insane rhetoric. It's easy to associate Sheehan with the Anti-Vietnam War movement when she teams up with Jane Fonda and makes the same type of "anti-imperialist" comments that were made in the sixties.

Go HERE to read some of Cindy Sheehan's quotes.

You are correct when you say that this war is testing Americans' ability to be rational when conducting this national conversation, and that one must make their political comments with maturity and perspective. Surely you must realize that the whole Cindy Sheehan phenomenon is based on emotion. No one would be listening to her if she had never lost her son. Anyone who criticizes her is hit with that "moral authority" BS.

Truthfully, there is nothing wrong with using the emotionalism tied to experience when making a point, as long as that emotion is backed up with rational arguments. I think I do this when I make my points. And I challenge anyone to show me differently.

I haven't heard much about Cindy Sheehan in the news lately. Maybe that's because moderate people in the middle of this issue are ignoring her, realizing how shallow her message really is. Time will tell.

Good luck with your blog.

Let's Focus on the Bad News in Iraq

2005-09-20T12:14:00.002-07:00

This is my obligatory political rant. For the most part, this blog has been about my unique experiences in Iraq. I've purposely avoided political opinion. I mean, why should the world care what a 29 year old college drop-out thinks? But now I think that I should give it a shot. It's kinda like drugs. Everybody's gotta try it once. So here goes.

I am sick and tired of the media reporting about the good news coming out of Iraq.

That's right, you heard me. I am sick of hearing about all the schools being built, and all the Iraqi children vaccinated by Army medics. I sick of hearing about how the economy of Iraq is getting better, and how all Iraqis have cell phones and satellite dishes now. I really don't give a damn.

It seems like the mainstream media has become so polarized and stupidified that it portrays America as being evenly split between two factions. Either you are zealot who blindly agrees with everything the Bush administration says. Or you follow the inanity of the anti-war movement and take the diatribes of morons like Michael Moore or Cindy Sheehan seriously.

Whatever you call them, the Cons, or Righties, or Reds complain about how the media never reports on the good news in Iraq. These people speak for half the country. And they've decided what the major issue should be. They've decided that this half of the country shouldn't focus on the bad news. Neither should they focus on the good news. Instead, they should focus on what the media is focusing on.

Meanwhile, the Libs, or Lefties, or Blues have focused on what is truly important to the people of Iraq today. The fact that no WMD's were found two years ago. They sound just like a broken record. WMD's. WMD's. WMD's.

Now hold on. I know what you're thinking. Back up there a minute, guy. How dare you call that poor grieving mother, Cindy Sheehan a moron?

I said it, and I don't regret it. I'm sorry that her son died. She's experiencing a sorrow I can't imagine. But the moment she decided to channel her grief into that specific political cause, she forfeited her right to sympathy from me. Not only is she demoralizing troops that are risking their lives right now. She's dishonoring other soldiers who have died and increasing the sorrow of other mothers and fathers who have lost their sons.

It doesn't get much more moronic than an interview with Mark Knoller of CBS in which Cindy Sheehan, when speaking about the terrorists coming in from other countries into Iraq, referred to them as "freedom fighters."

"Freedom fighters."

Well...on August 17, the "freedom fighters" carried out a coordinated attack in Baghdad against the evil imperialistic American Empire. Did they attack an American base?No, they attacked a bus station used by Iraqi civillians. Two car bombs went off within minutes of each other. Three buses packed with passengers burned up. But wait, there's more. In a brilliant move of strategy, 15 minutes later, with a third car bomb, the freedom fighters attacked nearby Al-Kindi hospital, where emergency personnel were moving their casualties. 43 people were killed. But as an Interior Ministry official said, "The casualty figure could rise as there are charred bodies all over the place,"

LINK

Now, if you're not stunned by these heroic freedom fighters yet, let me tell you about another battle in their glorious revolution. On July 14, also in Baghdad, a suicide freedom-bomber drove his vehicle up to an American Humvee and detonated. He killed one US soldier and 27 Iraqi civilians. 13 of those civilians were children who had gathered around the humvee, because the American soldiers were passing out sweets. Obviously, that freedom fighter had to have been very brave, not allowing his sympathies to stop him from carrying out that attack. Those children were apostates who were accepting candy from the evil imperialist Americans, so clearly they deserved to die.

LINK

The freedom fighters carried out another attack August 9 in Baghdad, of which I'm having a little trouble finding any media coverage more in depth than a couple sentences. I guess MSM was too busy reporting on all the good news to have given that story very much attention. Let me supplement that with what little I know about this incident.

An American convoy was passing through a traffic circle in Baghdad which is surrounded by a busy marketplace. This marketplace is used by, I assume, the area's mostly Shi'ite and Christian population. A suicide car bomber attacked the convoy and detonated near the first vehicle. Soldiers who responded to the scene reported seeing body parts laying all over the road, including body parts small enough to be considered child-sized. I haven't heard of any accurate body counts for this attack, but I've heard figures around thirty and forty from foreign nationals. (iraqibodycount.net reports that between 3 and 6 died. I know that's way off.)

In that blast, one American soldier died. His name is Miguel Carrasquillo. He was a brother in arms, a member of my battery, and for a while was also my roommate back at Fort Stewart. He died while engaging the suicide bomber as he drove towards the convoy. I will remember him as one of the bravest men I've ever known.

Cindy Sheehan, he is the true freedom fighter.

In a recent op-ed, retired Army general Wesley Clark said that Bush is in danger of repeating the mistake of Vietnam. "Failing to craft a realistic policy and effective policy and instead demanding that the American people show resolve." The fact that people like Cindy Sheehan are calling for withdrawal in Iraq is, in itself, not remarkable. But the fact that MSM pays so much attention to her is really bad news.

I realize that America has it's own share of bad news with the hurricane Katrina disaster. But I have no doubt that that's going to be taken care of. Iraq's future is much less certain. Just a few days ago Iraq suffered one of it's bloodiest days since the invasion. A suicide bomber attacked a group of men in the district of Kadhimiya. The men weren't soldiers. They were day laborers looking for work. They were poor men with no steady employment just looking for a way to support their family. The suicide bomber pulled up in a bus packed with explosives and posed as a possible employer. He detonated when the men gathered around and took out one hundred twelve men. LINK

That's one hundred twelve families ripped apart. One hundred twelve lost sons and brothers. One hundred twelve separate tragedies that only receive a single day's thought from the MSM because they aren't American. Because they don't have an opinion on whether Mayor Nagin, Governor Blanco, or President Bush deserves the most blame for the destruction of New Orleans. Because the moral cowards want to parade around a grieving mother who is, quite literally, insane.

Sure, there's plenty of good news in Iraq. But let's focus on the bad news. Let's impress on everyone what a tragic mistake it would be to prematurely pull our forces out of Iraq. Let's make sure everybody remembers what kind of inhuman monsters we're fighting. Let's finish what we started.

Did I mention that I'm also an aspiring science fiction writer?

2005-08-31T07:07:00.000-07:00

Due to the problems that the Military has been having with mil-blogs lately, my chain of command is forced to take a keen interest in Graham's Journal. My commander is going to check my blog to make sure that I haven't violated OPSEC. I'm pretty sure that I haven't posted anything I wasn't supposed to. But just to be sure, I'm not going to talk about Iraq today.

In case you haven't noticed the big-ass image link in the right column, I have another blogspot website that contains the entirety of my first science fiction book, The Seventh Day, an end-times novel. If you click over there, you can read my novel for free. The copyright is licensed under the Creative Commons License.

I've always wanted to be a writer, even when I was in elementary school. In late 2002, I decided that I was going to go for it and write an entire novel, no procrastination, no quitting. I finished it late 2004 and made a few half-assed attempts to get the interest of a publisher before I was shipped out to Kuwait in January 2005.

I was going to wait until I returned to the States to try to sell my book for professional publication. But I soon realized that waiting wasn't going to work for me because one, I'm impatient, and two, let's be honest, there's a small chance I won't make it back. So I decided to self publish. I published over the internet, and also through Cafe Press, which allows authors to sell copies of their book on the cafepress.com website. The books they make through POD (print on demand) technology are pretty high quality.

The Seventh Day is an exciting techno-thriller that takes place in the year 2030, in a future world that's quickly being changed by biotech, nanotech, and artificial intelligence technology. I've called my book, "an end-times novel" because it is also about The Apocalypse.

If this sounds interesting to you, then I hope you check it out. You can download the book as a .pdf or .rtf file.

Milblog fans may be disappointed. I conceived this book before I even joined the Army. So it has nothing to do with war. But I already have a lot of ideas rolling around my head for my next book. When I get home, I plan to start writing my second novel, which will be military science fiction!

Welcome Swiss and Germans

2005-08-31T05:28:00.000-07:00

This is kind of old news, but a couple weeks ago, a reader e-mailed me to let me know that my Journal had appeared in a popular German Newspaper! It was an article on Greyhawk of the Mudville Gazette and his Milblogs ring. My milblog was one of the ones mentioned in the article found here.

http://www.sueddeutsche.de/,tt4m2/computer/artikel/630/58572/

I ran the article through Altavista Babel Fish. (It's in German.) Here's a quote.

So one must look for one while for really interesting entries and photos. But it gives. For example in "Graham's journal" of Graham wolf, which describes among other things, as it and the members of its unit with the death of three comrades become finished: "I do not believe yet that I am prepared for death."

So I know it's late, but if there are any more German readers still passing through, let me say Welcome!

Also, a reader wrote me and said that he found my blog in a newspaper in Zurich this past weekend. I haven't been able to find that article. But if there are any Swiss readers, I welcome you too. :-)

Hell

2005-08-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

Baghdad is Hell. That's the only way I can think of describing a place where mini 9-11's happen every day. We have demons imported from Yemen and Saudi Arabia, following the commands of a Jordanian Devil. Today, Stars and Stripes posted a letter from a retired Master Gunnery Seargent suggesting that we utilize bullets dipped in pigs' blood. I'm begining to think it's not such a bad idea.

A few days ago, my platoon, third platoon was conducting a mission in Baghdad on the East side of the river. We got word that sixth platoon was receiving small arms fire at a traffic circle also on the East side, not too far from us. We went to help them.

We were locked, cocked, and ready to rock. We tore through the afternoon traffic across downtown Baghdad in record speed. It was kinda fun. I knew it was pointless, though. By the time we got there, it would all be over.

When we got to the traffic circle, it was silent. No small arms attack. Must have been a miscommunication. As I had suspected, sixth platoon was hit by by a VBIED, a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device, a truck bomb.

It was black. Debris was everywhere. The area was littered with the burned out husks of cars and minivans. We towed the damged vehicles in sixth platoon's convoy to a fall back point. After fixing an SUV and putting a severely damaged humvee onto a wrecker, we headed back to the Green Zone. On the way, we passed through the same traffic circle. I got a second look at the holocaust aftermath. I knew that many people had to have died here. I saw islands of color in the blackness, piles of pulverized fruit lying on the ground.

See, this traffic circle is used as a popular market area. Every time we pass through this circle, which is quite often, there are dozens and dozens of merchants selling poduce, clothes, trinkets, all kinds of stuff from storefronts, carts, or sometimes just a blanket laid on the ground. This place is always packed with people. Yes, many of them children. When I talked to my comrades later, they said that they had seen body parts strewn across the ground. I hadn't seen any. I talked to First Seargent. He showed me a picture of a destroyed minivan in which an entire family had perished inside. He said that he had seen child-sized hands and fingers on the ground. I don't know how I missed such a thing. Perhaps my brain subconsciously edited out such horribleness.

We got back to the FOB. It was only then that I learned that the sixth platoon's lead gunner didn't make it. We've lost another one of our brothers.

More on this later.

Dealing With Death; Vietnam Era

2005-07-28T04:39:00.000-07:00

NOTR made a posted a response to my journal here in which he describes how the Army dealt with death during the Vietnam War.

What a stark contrast to my war where we tagged and bagged the personal effects of the roommate that had pulled pitch that morning and departed with a jaunty,"FU NOTR, keep the beer cold for when I get back." As we would separate the "stuff" inappropriate to get shipped home we would tell ourselves,"S*** happens - it don't mean nuthin." It was a lie of course. It was always hard.

I just thank God that I wasn't born thirty years earlier. People who say that Iraq is this generation's Vietnam really have no idea what they're talking about.

Death is Too Good For Them

2005-07-27T00:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a link for the CNN story.
Here

I uploaded the photos in this post at a higher resolution than I usually use. To see these photos full size, go to my online photo album.
Here

Yesterday my platoon passed by the Al Sadeer Hotel.

We've passed by the Sadeer Hotel several times while on missions. This day was different however, because the day before a minibus packed with explosives pulled up to the checkpoint and detonated, destroying several homes and businesses and killing twelve people. The target was the Sadeer Hotel, which is sometimes used by American contractors. But the stupid bastards couldn't even get through the gate. So instead, they killed a bunch innocent bystanders outside the hotel's fortifications who were just trying to get on with their lives.

Here's a car destroyed by the blast, laying behind a pile of sand brought in to fill the huge hole in the road, apparently.

These are second and third floor apartments that were damaged or destroyed. The hanging metal stuff is leftovers of a billboard. At the bottom, you can see the tops of blast walls that were added after the explosion.

On the first floor, behind the blast wall, there was a business that sold air conditioners, generators, and other appliances. That's all completely destroyed now.

Across the street from the Al Sadeer, this used to be a resturaunt and cafe. Above the cafe, there was a hand-painted sign of a jolly fat man holding a big hunk of meat on a spit. There would frequently be a group of men milling about the front of the cafe, eating and talking.

There's been alot of talk lately about accusations of torture against American soldiers. Now, I'm not saying that I condone torture. I just think that I would really like to torture the guys who put these car bombs together. I mean, a couple weeks ago, a guy drove a car bomb up to a group of soldiers handing out candy to children, killing one soldier and about a dozen kids. I think it would be really nice if we could capture al-Zaquarwi, chain him to the gound, and use him as a human ashtray until he dies. I would extinguish a cigarette, right in his ear. Damn, and I don't even smoke.

A Hero's Goodbye

2005-07-26T23:56:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of new to the whole blogosphere thing, so I was surprised to see complete strangers not just reading, but actually responding to my blog. And the fact that the responses have been largely positive is encouraging.

Most of the responses concerned my entries about the three men killed in action in my battery. My blog came to the attention of several family members of SPC Dustin Fisher, one of the men who died. They wrote me with positive comments also. This makes me glad, because if my blog does nothing else but honor the brave men that my unit lost, then I can consider my effort well worth it.

Erica, one of SPC Fisher's cousins wrote me...

Dustin's funeral was a week ago Monday, and I have to
tell you that the community was so wonderful and came out in droves to pay
their respects to our fallen hero. It was just an awesome sight to see the
streets lined with people with their flags, saluting or hands over their
hearts, as we made our sad trek from the church to the cemetery.

This makes me really happy, to know that Fisher recieved the hero's farewell that he deserved. This kind of public memorial is not just good for the family, it's good for the community and America as whole. Necessary, so that we don't forget the sacrifices made for freedom.

But the War goes on. And hopefully, so will my journal. Thank you to all my readers.

Some Gave All

2005-06-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

This entry is about how the Army mourns.

Within forty-eight hours of the deaths of PFC Wallace, SPC Fisher, and SGT Drier; Bravo Battery was required to attend a meeting that we were told would teach us to deal with the deaths of our comrades. I really resented that the Army was going to try and tell us the proper way to mourn. I really didn't want to go. But it was mandatory.

What I thought was supposed to be a class telling us how to mourn actually turned out to be an exercise in group mourning, which turned out to be helpful in my opinion. I am glad the Army did it.

We went to the MWR(morale, welfare, and recreation) building where the Battery was split into its five platoons. My platoon went to the movie room where we met a LT Colonel, who said she was also a psychologist, and a Sergeant First Class, who was a mental health technician.

First, they talked about the grieving process, and the stages of grief. The Colonel went to each person in the room and had them talk about where they were and what they were doing when they first heard the news. Then each person talked about how they first felt when they had heard what happened.

The Colonel taped some paper to the wall and and wrote down the names of the three soldiers. She asked everyone to list the good and memorable qualities of each one.

She talked briefly about physical problems that can be caused by the stress of grief, like insomnia, and gastrointestinal difficulty. Then she asked each person to talk about how things will be different as we go on with our mission.

A couple days later, we had the memorial ceremony. It was like any other funeral I've been to with, of course, the exception of military traditions. Instead of coffins, we had a stand with memorial symbols for each soldier, a rifle driven into the ground by the bayonet, a pair of boots in front of the rifle, a helmet resting on the butt of the rifle, and dog tags hanging from the handle. After the benediction, the First Sergeant performed the last role call, in which he called out the names of the soldiers of 4th platoon. When he got to one of the dead soldiers names, and they did not answer, he called out their name two more times before going on. Then they did the firing of volleys and the sounding of taps. Then everybody filed past the stand to say there final goodbye and salute the fallen soldiers. When the Generals and Colonels filed by, they put coins at the feet of the memorials. Some of the younger guys openly cried. I usually don't cry at funerals, I just have a hard time talking. Luckily, I didn't have to this time.

Everyone in America should know that these three were good guys who really deserved better. I know it's hard for average Joe American to find room in his heart for sympathy for three guys when the death toll for this war tops sixteen hundred. But one shouldn't give into the temptation to dwell only on numbers and forget the individual sacrifices made.

PFC Wallace was one of the youngest guys in the battery. He was only twenty when he died. He had married right before leaving for Iraq. The thing I remember most about Wallace is that I never ever saw him in a bad mood. He always seemed to have a smile or a friendly word. You can imagine how refreshing this trait would be on a bad day during a field exercise or deployment.

SPC Fisher was a pretty cool guy. He also had married right before leaving for Iraq. I didn't really know him that well, but I did get to party with him a little on one of those last drinking nights in Savannah right before the deployment. I was walking around with my friend, PFC Guzman when I saw Fisher, Wallace, and SPC Cummins walking down a dark Savannah street. I ran up to them and screamed "Gimme all your money!" Scared em all shitless. It was pretty funny. After that we all ended up at Club Ibiza. Fisher really knew how to party.

SGT Drier was kind of an intellectual type. He was the go-to guy for younger soldiers in his platoon for questions about their job or life in general. There are a lot of people out there who think soldiers, especially soldiers with jobs like infantryman or artilleryman aren't smart. SGT Drier had attended college and studied computer animation before putting education on hold and joining the Army to experience adventure. He said he planned on getting out of the Army and finishing his degree so he could make animation in the style of Veggie Tales. After he died, other people told me that he wanted to join the police and go SWAT when he got out. But I guess that doesn't matter now. SGT Drier and I both shared a love of books. He would stop by my bunk every now and then to see what I was reading. A fan of Richard Bach novels, Frank Miller and Preacher comics. I introduced him to one of my favorite authors, Andrew Vachss, whom he seemed to like. I think he would have got a kick out of learning that I have a desire to become a writer, but I guess that doesn't matter now either. He had an interest in philosophy, and was an ardent critic of organized religion. He wasn't married, but he had a girlfriend he planned to marry after the deployment. He was an all round nice guy. He wasn't complacent in his role as a non-commissioned officer. He helped out the soldiers under his watch. He died way too young. All of them did.

I will always remember them. Every Memorial Day, Veteran's Day, Armed Forces Day, Independence Day, September Eleventh, and any other day when I think about the sacrifices made to keep this country free. And I think everybody in America should remember them. I can't talk about the other sixteen hundred men and women who have died in this war. I can only talk about these three men, because I knew them. I know that they came to this dangerous place of their own volition to do a dangerous job. I know that they paid the ultimate price while trying to make America and the World a better place.

They were common men of uncommon courage. They are not victims of hate-filled zealots, or pawns of a power game between nations. They are heroes.

Private First Class Jeffrey Robert Wallace

Specialist Dustin Cole Fisher

Sergeant Charles Allen Drier

All gave some... And some gave all.

Free Speech from Those Who Help Make it Possible

2005-06-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

My Blog has recieved membership into the Milblogs webring.

Lot's of cool blogs there. Check it out.

MilBlogs

The Day of Adversity

2005-06-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, this is what I was hoping I would never have to write about. Some days, in my more immature moments, I wished that we would get some action that I could write about. People who wish for "action" can learn that it's not as thrilling as Hollywood narratives make it seem.

Up until this point, the worst casualty suffered in our entire Battalion was a guy who was grazed by a bullet, leaving a bruise on his leg. Then one day, Tuesday, May 24th, Bravo Battery lost three men in one instant.

It was like any other day in Baghdad. My platoon, 3rd platoon had been tasked with with gate guard, prolly the most boring, grueling task for the soldiers of FOB Honor. It was my job to search vehicles. It was over a hundred degrees in the shade. My desert camo was dry where uncovered, and soaked completely through with sweat underneath my body armor. I was hating life at that moment.

One of the guys monitoring the radio told us through the walkie-talkies. Oh shit guys, 4th platoon just got hit by a car bomb at the corner of blah blah blah. He said that it was a "three litter urgent." "Litter" means that whatever the injury was, they weren't able to walk on their own. We pressed the soldier on the radio for more information. But of course, they're not going to put specifics, like names, over the net.

Within minutes, an extraction team of humvees line up at the gate to go to the scene. After they left, I heard over the walkie-talkie that they had put out a new command over the net. Shut down all personal communications. All the phone rooms and internet cafes. Why would they order this? It must be serious.

I started to pace back and forth the vehicle search area. One of the other privates working vehicle search with me had become visibly upset. He had trouble talking, and his eyes were getting red. He's only nineteen years old.

I noticed that I couldn't feel the heat anymore.

When our relief, 2nd platoon arrived, I asked one of the soldiers whether he had heard the news. That 4th platoon had been hit, and three guys were hurt. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew more than I did. "They died." he said.

I walked back to the barracks in a daze. As soon as I got into the palace, I saw the younger private who was working vehicle search with me throw his kevlar helmet to the ground and start cursing. It seemed like every body I passed had a glazed look over their face. I saw a sergeant who was twenty-three years old sitting on the cement stairway entrance, silently holding his face in his hands.

Back in the barracks, the men of my platoon acted in a way not too different from any other day when the work was finished and it was time to relax. They had turned to the comforts of their distractions. There was no conversation. Nobody felt like talking. But the air was filled with the noise of DVD players. Minds were transported to another place. There was a new high quality bootleg of Star Wars available from the Iraqi merchants on base. A galaxy far away was surely better than the violent here and now. Most of the guys didn't want to be alone with themselves. Being alone right now would force one to think things over and come to inevitable conclusions. It could have easily been any one of us out there. For some reason, we were spared.

I asked around and got some bad information. A couple guys told me that two completely different soldiers died. I spent a couple hours thinking that someone was dead who wasn't.

I took a shower. When I returned to the barracks, I was told about the actual soldiers who died. I didn't trust the information at first, but then I heard it from enough different people that I supposed that it was safe to assume that I knew who had really died.

I went to eat dinner. On Fox News, they announced that three soldiers had died in Baghdad. When I returned once again to the barracks, a couple of the guys complained that the news of the three mens' death hadn't even been officially put out to the Battery, and they were already reporting it on fucking Fox News.

Finally, they did announce a Battalion meeting for later that evening. But my platoon wouldn't be able to attend. We had been tasked to take 4th platoon's place as gate guard.

Instead of searching vehicles, I was placed as a sentry at the very front of the gate. It was real quiet that night. It was too late for traffic. There was no gunfire in the distance. And as I stood there until three AM, I had plenty of time to think.

I thought about how the danger of this place suddenly became very real. I thought about what it would be like, now that we all knew how dangerous it was. I wondered what the guys would have been saying about me, if it were me who had been killed instead.

But mostly I wondered why I had been spared. In my younger, more foolish days, I would say that God had plans for me. But now I know that that's bullshit. There's no reason why it couldn't have been me. Perhaps it should have been me. Indeed, I am older than all three men who were killed. I don't know why it wasn't my truck that wasn't hit. That night, it seemed like God was asking me that if someone else in Bravo Battery had to die, would you care if it were you? And are you ready to die, tomorrow if need be?

People in America will have a hard time understanding how upsetting something like this is. "Well, you were going to a war zone, what did you expect?" Most people don't have any idea the amount of preparation that our Battalion put into preventing things like this. The six months leading up to deployment were pretty much just solid training for this. We came here knowing that Our Battery didn't lose a single man on the first deployment, during the invasion. When we got to Baghdad, we learned that 2-82 Field Artillery, the unit that had our job before we got here, worked the streets of Baghdad for an entire year without losing anyone.

We wear body armor and drive in humvees so well armored that most times the worst a roadside bomb will do is flatten the tires. But the bomb that the terrorists used this time was a special type of IED called a "platter charge." While a conventional IED will explode in all directions, a platter charge forces the power of the explosion in one direction. It's kinda like a giant shot gun fired at close range. It rendered the armor useless. It instantly killed the two soldiers in the front seat and the soldier in the gunner's hatch. There was a Coalition soldier from our ally, Georgia, in the back seat. He survived. Although he's at least a double amputee or triple amputee now.

We came to Iraq hoping for the best. Our number one priority was for everybody to return to Fort Stewart, GA. I did my best to ignore the pessimist soldiers who said that the first deployment was lucky, we're not all coming home this time. As I said, up until now, our time in Iraq has been unremarkable. I truly believed that we were all going home. And I was beginning to take this idea for granted.

I came to Iraq hoping for the best and not really prepared for the worst. When the worst happened, it took me by surprise. I still don't think I'm prepared for death. For the wiser, or for the more foolish I find I am telling myself that the rest of Bravo Battery will be going home to America and that the incident on May 24th was extraordinary luck on the part of the terrorists. I don't know what will happen to me or the rest of the Battery if we lose more people. I might still be unprepared. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

"In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider, God has made one as well as the other so that man may not discover anything that will be after him."
Ecclesiastes 7:14

My Online Photo Album

2005-05-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Flickr is a great website. I've set up an online photo album there. Check it out.

Graham's Photos

This is me teabagging Saddam. 8-)

The Ghosts of Abu Ghraib

2005-05-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

A few weeks, my platoon and I went on a mission to Abu Ghraib Prison. I was in a bad mood that morning, so I decided not to take my camera. Luckily, my comrade, PFC Christopher Beckett brought his along. All of these photos are his.

After leading some of the prisoners around with leashes, and making them do naked butt pyramids (We weren't allowed to take pictures of that, for obvious reasons), we had time to tour the prison.

This is where the prison population's fine meals are prepared.

The main point of interest in the prison is the "Death House," the place that Saddam used for execution. there was contention in the new Iraqi government over whether or not the building should be torn down because of the horrendous memories associated with it. Hopefully, the building will remain standing so that no one will forget what happened there.

Of course, there's the also problem with the fact that the Death House is haunted.

This is the hallway that leads to the Death House. According to the American who showed us around, the hall was used as an overflow holding place when the prison became too crowded. Up to three thousand prisoners would be kept in the hallway, forced to stand in one place constantly. Oday Hussien would come to the prison and reduce the numbers in the hall by shooting every third or fourth prisoner.

Notice the faint circles that appear in the picture. According to our guide, the Iraqi nationals running the prison are very reluctant to enter this hallway alone. He himself said that he's heard one strange event repeated that he's experienced himself. While walking through the hall in 120 degree desert heat, from out of nowhere, a chilling wind blew through the hall.

The door leading to the Death House.

The Death House.

The gallows inside the Death House. The ropes were hung from the two metal rings in the ceiling. In the center is a podium with two levers that open the trap door.

Looking down on the trap door. For many men, this was their last sight.

My platoon in the gallows room. This picture was obscured by many of the mysterious faint circles. From left to right; SSG Crawford, PFC Santoyo, me, SPC Cummins, PFC Beckett, 1LT Carter, PFC Zotter, SPC Smith.

This is the death row holding room outside the gallows room. Notice, more of the mysterious faint circles.

Writing scrawled on the walls of a holding cell. I can't read it. Supposedly it's a prayer, or something.
Our guide said that everyone who takes pictures in the prison reports the same problem. Faint mysterious circles appear in the photos. Both digital and film pics. And the circles appear only in photos taken in two places. In the Death House, and the hallway leading to said house. Both of these structures have seen much death and horror. I know almost nothing about photography. But it's clear that there's only one scientific explanation for these faint circles. They're ghosts.

Introduction

2005-02-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to The NEW and IMPROVED Graham's Journal!

Sorry about that first post. I should have started with an introduction. But I just had to right something when I registered this new blog. And I was still high from spending last night behind the wheel of a Bradley, something I've never done before. It's exhilarating, commanding a vehicle so large and powerful I could have run over a cat and not realized it. Everyone should try it, if they ever get the chance. ( which most of you won't. :-P ) But now for a more appropriate beginning...

My name Is Graham. At my job, the call me Wolf, or Wolf-Bowen, or Wolfman, or Big Wolf, or Big Bad Wolf, or Woof, or Woof Woof, or sometimes they just howl at me. You can call me Graham.

I am a twenty-eight year old white male. I am six feet, two inches tall and my weight varies around the 210 lb mark. I have brown hair and hazel eyes.

I was born in Orlando, Florida, and lived in CenFlo my entire life up until about a year ago.

I drive a red 2003 Ford Escort.

I am single, have no children, and no girlfriend.

My entire immediate family lives in Central Florida. Both of my parents are living and well and still married to each other. I have one brother, four sisters, and one brother-in-law. They all came down to Coastal Georgia to see me off two weeks ago Yaaay! Well, all except my brother, who was too busy with his incarceration to come down. But the rest of us got to hang out. First, I took everybody on a tour of Fort Stewart, then we went to Savannah, which is a really cool city. There are many great historical monuments downtown that date back all the way to colonial times. Savannah is also a great place to get shit-faced.

My job. It's not who I am. It's just what I do eight hours a day, five days a week, in order to support myself. Only now it's actually more like twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, since I'm deployed in a foreign country. I work for a certain government agency called The United States Army. I don't know how much news you watch, but the Army is currently engaged in an operation code-named, "Iraqi Freedom." Right now, I'm in Kuwait, but soon I will be moving north to the Iraqi border, and then onto our FOB (Forward Operating Base) which will be located in a place code-named "Baghdad."

I enlisted and signed a contract to serve for two years. In February of 2004 I went to Basic and AIT (Advanced Individual Training) in Fort Sill, Oklahoma. I became certified as an artilleryman, or cannoneer, or cannon crew member, or gun monkey, or a GWBSU (Guy Who Blows Shit Up.) In June, I was attached to the Third Infantry Division, and assigned to my permanent duty station in Fort Stewart, GA. A few weeks ago, I went to the sand-box, which is what we like to call the "Middle East."

What do I like to do? I like to read. All kinds of things. Science fiction, Historical fiction, Crime fiction, Comic books, Manga, books about science, spiritual books. I usually read several books at once. Am currently reading Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, Batman, The Ultimate Evil by Andrew Vaachs, Eastern Standard Tribe by Cory Doctorow, and Soul Survivor by Phillip Yancey.

I also like to write. While in Basic and AIT I was deprived of tv, movies, newspapers, internet, magazines, and all books save two, my training manual and The Bible. So I kept my self sane with correspondence to my family and friends. Practiacally everybody I knew received their own original missive, sometimes three or four. It's now come to the point that writing is almost a need. I write because I must. While other guys in my battery are playing videos games or watching DVDs (Digital Video Discs,) I'm usually reading or writing. That's why I write a journal. Sporadic only because I write other things too. Although it can be a chore sometimes, I really do enjoy writing. The only things I like better than writing are sex and the sweet, sweet neurotransmitter embrace of opioid molecules. Mmmmmm.

What do I believe? I am an evangelical, trinitarian, arminian, semi-pelagian, pre-millennial, post-tribulationist, non-denominationalist. I believe in design created by intelligently guided evolution. I believe that abortion is wrong, but that the government should have no say in this. I believe in the separation of religion and politics, church and state. But I don't see a problem with faith-based initiatives. I believe that the Apocalypse is near, though I have no idea what will happen except for maybe vague generalizations. I really don't think it will be anything like the Left Behind books though. I believe whatever I think is right. I could say that I believe The Bible. But honestly, there way too much about the Bible I don't understand. Of course, I could be wrong about all of this.

That about does it for the introduction. Now begins the journal proper.

I do realize that this site will be considered a SOLDIER-BLOG, seeing as how I'm a soldier and all. But I promise to unique among soldier blogs by not talking about the same old boring things, like the war and stuff. I'll talk about subjects like the differences between men and women, and how things that are popular and corporate-sponsored suck, but things that are obscure and independent are really cool. I'll post some of my Star Wars slash fanfic. And every once in a while, I'll post a link and an excerpt from a news article or editorial that I believe proves the incompetence of conservative politicians, followed by a smug, pithy comment or maybe a, :-/ emoticon.

I'll also post pictures, if I get around to it.

The OLD and NOT IMPROVED Graham's Journal can be found here.
Graham's Journal

Cool!

2005-01-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

I got to drive a Bradley yesterday!!! How many of you can say that you drove a tank to work, huh? No. You prolly just drove some lame ass car. :-P